Haley and Belkar negotiate with the MitD to try to recover Roy's body and the paralyzed O-Chul.
Cast[]
- Roy Greenhilt (as a corpse) ◀ ▶
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶
- Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶
- The Monster in the Darkness ◀ ▶
- Two Demon-Roaches ◀ ▶
- O-Chul ◀ ▶
- Mr. Dragon ◀ ▶
- Two Goblins
- A Vulture
Transcript[]
- Panel 1, Page 1
Haley: And is that O-Chul with him? How did he survive the castle?
Belkar: How should I know? Those paladins are like roaches.
Demon-Roach: Hey!
- Panel 2, Page 1
Haley: We need to get them both out of there.
Belkar: Cool. I'll attack from the left, you cover me.
- Panel 3, Page 1
Haley: Belkar, whoever is under that pink kitty unbrella is having a tea party. They're obviously a child of some sort.
Haley: We're not going to kill a child.
Belkar: Unless we have to?
Haley: What?
- Panel 4, Page 1
Belkar: Com on, at least give me a little hope!
Haley: *sigh*
Haley: OK< we're not going to kill a child unless we absolutely have to.
Belkar: Good enough.
- Panel 5, Page 1
Haley: Um, excuse me? Hello?
Monster in the Darkness: Wow, more guests? It's the social event of the season!
Haley: No, uh, we're here to pick up our two friends over there.
MitD: You're friends with Flopsy and Mr. Stiffly??
Haley: ...
Haley: Sure.
- Panel 6, Page 1
Haley: Anyway, it's getting really late, and they need to go beddy-bye, so we'll just take them—
MitD: Hey, stop! They haven't finished their scones yet!
Haley: They'll eat them on the road.
MitD: No—
Belkar: I'll drag Roy, you grab the paladin.
- Panel 7, Page 1
MitD: Stop!
The others vibrate with the force of the Monster's voice.
- Panel 8, Page 1
MitD: ...please?
Haley: OK.
Belkar: Stopping now.
- Panel 9, Page 1
MitD: You can't take my new friends. We were about to play Monopoly.
Haley (whispering): We don't have that kind of time.
Belkar (whispering): Nobody has that kind of time.
- Panel 10, Page 1
Haley: Look, if we take them now... you'll get more scones for yourself, like you said.
MitD: Actually, I had enough scones. I could really go for some stew.
MitD: I like stew.
- Panel 1, Page 2
Haley: Well, uh, it just so happens that my friend Belkar here knows how to cook some fantastic stew.
MitD: Really??
Belkar: What??
- Panel 2, Page 2
Haley: Oh, absolutely. I'll make you a deal. If Belkar cooks you some delicious stew, will you let us take Roy and O-Chul home?
MitD: Who?
Haley: Uh, I mean, Flopsy and Mr. Stiffly.
- Panel 3, Page 2
MitD: Ummmm... well, OK, I guess. But only because I can't help feeling like I've seen you somwhere before...
MitD: And it had better be awfully delicious, because I have very high standards.
- Panel 4, Page 2
Flashback to Xykon's lair.
Goblin: Hey, look at this moldy cheeseburger I just found behind my sock drawer.
MitD: Dibs!!
- Panel 5, Page 2
Haley: OK, it's a deal!
Belkar: Haley, may I have a word with you?
- Panel 6, Page 2
Belkar: That word is, "What the hell are you doing?"
Haley: You told me once that you had skill ranks in Profession (chef), right?
Haley: So you cook some stew quick, we grab ourselves a pair of incapacitated warrior-types and scoot out of here.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Belkar: First of all, I told you that in one of the Dragon Magazine comics, so I'm not even sure that's the same continuity.
Belkar: And second of all, I have ranks in Profession (gourmet chef). Does this look like a fully-stocked professional kitchen to you??
- Panel 8, Page 2
Haley: So? Improvised tools, it's a -2 penalty to your skill check. I do it all the time with lockpicking.
Belkar: I have 4 ranks and an ability score penalty, every -2 counts!!
- Panel 9, Page 2
Belkar: Although... he was eating fat-free scones, so his palate can't be that refined...
Haley: Good, 'cause I'm not fighting that thing, whatever it is, so you better get your little foodie butt in gear and whip up some stew.
- Panel 10, Page 2
Haley: And make it snappy, too, we need to get back to the boat ASAP.
Belkar: Fine, I'll do it. But I hope you have an idea where I can get some ingredients, particularly some kind of beef or chicken or—
- Panel 11, Page 2
beat
- Panel 12, Page 2
Belkar is mid-air with both daggers drawn about to come down on the vulture from the previous comic as it flies through the air.
D&D Context[]
- Profession is a skill a PC can take that gives them broad knowledge in a chosen profession. In this case as a gourmet chef.
- As Haley points out, skills can be use with improvised tools with a -2 modifier to the check.
Trivia[]
- Belkar refers to the earlier Dragon magazine Order of the Stick comics, which follow a different continuity.
- Monopoly is a money-management board game with the goal of buying up property on the board before forcing the other players into bankruptcy. Due to its simplistic ruleset and wide availability, is often played by young children. Monopoly is very frequently played with house rules (i.e. "no auctions" or "money on Free Parking") that reduce the amount of cash being deducted and provide the players with additional funds, which often results in a stalemate where all properties have been bought up (removing choice from the game), but the players are losing money too slowly to go bankrupt.