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in: Comics, Uses Protection from Energy, Preparation at Firmament

And Maybe a Change of Shoes

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Durkon tries to torture Greg with memories of workplace orientation. Greg makes plans for some casual evil with one of his vampires.

Cast[]

Transcript[]

Panel 1

"Durkon": I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the neverending misery of Hel at this point. The place, not the goddess. I imagine she'll be fairly chipper.
Durkon: Och, tha's it.
Durkon: Thar be some memories e'en a misb'gotten thing such as yerself should ne'er be subject to...

Panel 2

Durkon: ...but wit the fate o' tha world in tha balance, I haf na choice.
A memory of Durkon at the temple of Thor in Firmament appears.
Cleric of Thor: OK, everybody. Hello and welcome to your first day as an official cleric of Thor.
Cleric of Thor: I'm going to show you around the private residence of the temple, where you'll be living while on call—
Cleric of Thor: —and then Sister Silverboot from Accounting will talk to you about your tax witholding [sic] paperwork.

Panel 3

"Durkon": Unholy Hel! Is that...is that a workplace orientation seminar?!?
Durkon: Ye haf only yerself ta blame.

Panel 4

Cleric of Thor: Just past the Wall of Names of Very Rich Donors, we have the break room.
Cleric of Thor: Now please pay attention, as this may be the most important thing I tell you today.
Cleric of Thor: Make sure you inscribe your personal rune on any food you leave in the Box of Freezing, or we're going to throw it out on the 1st of the month.

Panel 5

Cleric of Thor: And clean up your crumbs. We don't want another infestation of celestial roaches like last year.
"Durkon": Nice try, but vampires are immune to sleep and confusion effects.

Panel 6

"Durkon": But by all means, keep it up.
"Durkon": It's very reassuring that when your friends' lives are on the line, you have nothing but inane memory pranks.
Durkon: ...

Panel 7

Cut to the banquet hall
"Durkon": Hey, does your host keep trying to show you irrelevant memories to try to distract you?
Vampire with Long Hair: Nah, she's pretty chill about the whole thing. Turns out she was repressing some major evil tendencies her whole life.
The vampire casts a spell on another vampire.

Panel 8

"Durkon": She doesn't even do that thing where she pretends she's horrified while being secretly thrilled?
Vampire with Long Hair: Nope, she's just down for whatever. It's great!

Panel 9

"Durkon": Ugh, I'm so jealous. You wouldn't believe what I'm dealing with up here.
Vampire with Long Hair: Listen, after we're done here, me and her are gonna try some messed up stuff she's been thinking about for like a bajillion years.
Vampire with Long Hair: Want to come with?

Panel 10

"Durkon": Eh, might as well, if Hel doesn't have other jobs for me.
Vampire with Long Hair: Cool.
Vampire with Long Hair: You're gonna want to bring a poncho, FYI.

D&D Context[]

  • A Box of Freezing is a joke on magic items in D&D such as the Bag of Holding.
  • Vampires, like all undead, are indeed immune to mind-affecting effects as well as sleep, among other resistances.
  • It is unclear what spell the Vampire with Long Hair is casting on the other vampire dwarf in panel 7, but it is likely to be the Protection from Fire spell "Durkon" planned on giving his vampires in #1109.

Trivia[]

  • The cleric in the orientation warns about cleaning up crumbs to avoid attracting "celestial roaches", the good-aligned counterpart to the Demon Roaches which have followed around Xykon and Redcloak since they left Beezlebuddy's cafe in Start of Darkness. A celestial roach was once portrayed in #193.
  • Since the Creed of the Stone Vampire with Long Hair has never been given a name in the comic, this strip led to the fandom in the discussion boards dubbing her "Ponchula", a portmanteau of "Poncho" and "Dracula", based on her punchline in the final panel.
  • This is the only appearance of Sister Silverboot.
  • The Wall of Names of Very Rich Donors is written using Dwarf Spirits font by Blambot. Back in latin they would read:
    • left column (most of the lines in the beginning are obscured from the left by the edge)
      test sel(obscured)
      o spoile(obscured)
      who are
      translating
      t's not like i add(obscured)
      ecret messages in
      here or anything
      f youre reading
      this in the book
      you already kn(obscured)
      what hapens (sic, one p is missing)
      next right?
    • middle column
      (top of the list fully obscured)
      lira goldcoin
      shirra copperbottom
      sigdi thundershield
      jude moneybelt
      (obscured)onopolyguy
      (obscured)of this name
      (obscured)be covered
    • right column
      runnning o(obscured)
      (obscured)
      things to(obscured)
      namey namin(obscured)
      blah blah blah b(obscured)
      on one hand i know
      people are oing to (sic, g in going is missing)
      eventually traslate (sic, n in translate missing)
      (obscured)t on the
      (obscured)it won
      (obscured)y soon
      (obscured)ish.

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