Convenience Story
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 596
Date published 24 September 2008
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Vaarsuvius shows a tenuous grasp of ethics and Elan demonstrates sarcasm.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Elan: What did you DO?!?
Vaarsuvius: I saved us all from a second tedious trial scene. I would think you would be exceedingly grateful.

Panel 2

Elan: *sigh*
Elan: I guess—I guess it's for the best. I mean, we don't know for sure that he would've gotten away with it, but... but I guess it's for the greater good.
Elan: It's not like he didn't totally deserve it, but... it just feels so weird, even for a jerkhead like him.

Panel 3

Vaarsuvius: Great elven gods, what are you blathering about?
Elan: Nothing. I was just saying that I guess Kubota got what was coming to him after all.
Vaarsuvius: What is a "kubota"?

Panel 4

Elan: What is—? Kubota is the guy you just zapped!
Vaarsuvius: I think then that you intend to say, "Kubota was the guy you just zapped."
Elan: He was the one behind the ninjas and the devils and all that stuff!

Panel 5

Vaarsuvius: Was he, now? I confess that I tired of those happenings some time ago and have paid them scant attention ever since.
Elan: But—but if you didn't know who he was, why did you kill him???

Panel 6

Vaarsuvius: Ah. Simplicity itself.
Vaarsuvius: Your strict adherence to dramatic convention has proven to me over the length of our association that you only bother to take captive the main villains of any encounter—such as your brother.
Vaarsuvius: The man I killed was bound, and you were holding the rope. I therefore deduced that he was an enemy of some sort and therefore a valid target.

Panel 7

Elan: ...
Elan: You executed him just because I happened to have him tied up???
Vaarsuvius: Yes, but that mustache did not do him any favors, either.

Panel 8

Vaarsuvius: As I landed on deck, I overhead him say someething about his trial taking weeks—and we all know that such would translate to 20 or 30 strips of humorless drudgery, likely involving those two idiot lawyers.
Vaarsuvius: Not if my index finger has anything to say about it. And, as it turned out, it had quite the stirring dissertation prepared on that very subject.

Panel 9

Vaarsuvius: According to your own words, he probably deserved death anyway.
Vaarsuvius: Now, as I stated, I would like us to refocus our efforts on saving the world, unimpeded by any further foolishness.
Vaarsuvius: Starting with locating Miss Starshine and the late Sir Greenhilt.

Panel 10

Elan: But—he's a major noble! What am I supposed to tell Hinjo?
Vaarsuvius: What do I care? At what point exactly did I begin answering to him?
Vaarsuvius: Lie. Say he escaped. You are the bard around here, tell a good story.

Panel 11

Elan: Wow, V, you're absolutely right. It's totally cool for us to go around killing people. As long as it makes it more convenient for us, why worry?
Elan: I mean, it's not as if knowing that we need to lie about it to the paladin is a good indication that it may be the wrong idea.

Panel 12

Elan casts an illusion of Belkar.
Elan: Don't you agree?
Illusiory Belkar: I honestly don't see any problem with that plan.
Illusiory Belkar: Rock on, elf buddy!
Vaarsuvius: Your swift progress with illusions is overshadowed only by your long-overdue grasp of the basics of sarcasm.

D&D Context Edit

  • Major Image is a 3rd level bard spell and like what Elan is using for the image of Belkar, since it includes an auditory component. Elan has been able to cast this spell since at least #455.

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