Vaarsuvius' oft overlooked brand of revenge strikes again.

Cast[edit | edit source]

Transcript[edit | edit source]

Panel 1

The party approaches a public Mount Parking that is inexplicably in the middle of Wooden Forest. The sign reads,

Mount Parking
6 silver per hour or part
Early Bird Special
In by dawn, out by dusk 4 gold

Elan: So this is where the horses went while you guys were rescuing me? I kinda figured they had just vanished when you didn't need them, kind of like V's familiar.
Roy: Don't be silly.
Roy: That would be completely unrealistic.
Half-orc: There you go. One horse and one pony.
Vaarsuvius: And now I would like my mode of transit returned to my possession.
Half-orc: Do you have your ticket?

Panel 2

Vaarsuvius: My what?
Half-orc: Your claim ticket. The little yellow slip of paper I gave you yesterday when you dropped off the horse.

Panel 3

Vaarsuvius: My most humble apologies. I seem to have misplaced it among my many scrolls and spellbooks.
Half-orc: No ticket, no horse.
Vaarsuvius: Excuse me?
Half-orc: I can't give you your horse back unless you have the yellow ticket.

Panel 4

Vaarsuvius: But you just acknowledged that you remember us being here just yesterday.
Half-orc: No ticket, no horse.

Panel 5

Vaarsuvius: But I can see my horse from here!
Half-orc: No ticket, no horse.
Vaarsuvius: But it is the only horse remaining in the lot!
Half-orc: What, am I speaking Gnomish over here? No ticket, no horse!

Panel 6

Vaarsuvius: Fine!
Haley: Hey, this horse has a scratch on her! She was at full hit points when I left her.
Half-orc: Read the sign, honey.

Panel 7

The sign reads:

Ye olde management
is not not responsible
for condition of mounts.

Haley (off-panel): Grumble.

Panel 8

Vaarsuvius: I have located my ticket.
Half-orc: See? That wasn't so hard, was it?

Panel 9

Half-orc: Hey, this isn't a claim ticket, it's just a piece of paper that says "I prepared Explosive Runes this morn—

Panel 10

The ticket explodes, "BOOM!"

Panel 11

Half-orc: Your horse, sir or madam.
Vaarsuvius: A wizard NEVER loses their ticket.

D&D Context[edit | edit source]

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • The title and Vaarsuvius' last quote are a twist on Gandalf's line "A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." from J.R.R Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Rings.
  • This marks another appearance of Explosive Runes.
  • There is an extra "not" on the sign in Panel 7.
  • Vaarsuvius being called "sir or madam" continues the running gag of keeping Vaarsuvius's gender ambiguous.
  • Elan references the running gag where Blackwing pops in and out of existence when needed.
  • The sign is a slam on the modern practice of companies being careless with other person's property but not wanting any liability resulting from such carelessness when it damages the property.

External Links[edit | edit source]

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