Vaarsuvius ends the fight and explains some role-playing physics.

Cast[edit | edit source]

Transcript[edit | edit source]

Panel 1

Vaarsuvius: The time has come to end this battle.

Panel 2

Vaarsuvius kills the ogres with a volley of spells.
Vaarsuvius: Lightning Bolt! Magic Missile! Fireball! Another Fireball!

Panel 3

Elan: Wow! Great job, Vaarsuvius. But aren't you worried about using up all your spells for the day in one encounter?
Vaarsuvius: Nonsense. There shall be no additional encounters before we rest.

Panel 4

Elan: Really? How do you know, V?
Vaarsuvius: Simple, the laws of encounter probability tell me so.

Panel 5

Vaarsuvius: Here, step over to the chalkboard and let me show you a simple problem.
Vaarsuvius and Elan approach a chalkboard which is inexplicably placed nearby.

Panel 6

The chalkboark reads:

Adventuring Party A leaves Blue Castle on Day 1 and travels overland on foot to the Dungeon of Horrors, 17 days away. Adventuring Party B leaves Green Castle on Day 7 and travels to the same dungeon and arrives 6 days later. Given that the lands between the castles and the dungeon are nondescript and no plot-related villains are involved, which party has more random encounters?


Panel 7

Vaarsuvius: Do you know the answer?
Elan: Ummm... Party A?
Vaarsuvius: Let's find out. Vaarsuvius begins to erase the chalkboard.

Panel 8

The chalkboard now reads:

ANSWER: Neither! Both adventuring parties have exactly one random encounter, no matter how far they travel.


Panel 9

Elan: I don't get it.
Vaarsuvius: Each party has one (and only one) encounter because random encounters are tedious, and a waste of everyone's valuable time.

Panel 10

Vaarsuvius: So no matter how long the journey, you only have one random encounter before everyone gets bored and moves on to the main plot.

Panel 11

Elan: Ohhhh. Thanks, Vaarsuvius. Now I know.
Vaarsuvius: And knowing is half the battle.
G.I. Joe: G.I. Joe!

D&D Context[edit | edit source]

  • All of the spells Vaarsuvius cast were basic damage-dealing spells. They include the 1st-level spell Magic Missile, the 3rd-level spell Fireball and the 3rd-level spell Lightning Bolt. They could not all be cast in the same round.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • The title is a reference to TV's Mr. Wizard, the late Don Herber. It possibly also refers to the 1991 Nickelodeon series Clarissa Explains It All. The (s) part continues the running gag of Vaarsuvius' ambiguous gender, while also giving an early clue that Vaarsuvius is married.
  • The G.I. is a reference to the public service announcement segments catchphase, "and knowing is half the battle", from the 1985-1987 TV cartoon, G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero.
  • This is the only cameo appearance of G.I. Joe.

External Links[edit | edit source]

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