Elan does his best impersonation of Mel Gibson. He fails.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1, Page 1

Belkar: How did you ever get so many Potions of Heroism?
Vaarsuvius: Do not ask.
Sangwaan: Sir, the enemy will be within sight in about an hour.
Hinjo: Good. This waiting is just making everyone tense.
Elan: Awww, come on Roy! You didn't let me do a preparation montage, you have to at LEAST let me do the big pre-battle speech!
Roy: No. No way, no how. Just no.

Panel 2, Page 1

Elan: But it's bardic rite of passage.
Roy: Well, you will have to pass your bardic through some other rite, then.

Panel 3, Page 1

Elan: I didn't want to have to do this, but I'm just going to have to go over your head on this one.
Roy: How can you go over my head? I'm the leader—

Panel 4, Page 1

Elan: Hinjo, can I give a rousing pre-battle speech to the troops? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top???
Hinjo: Sure.

Panel 5, Page 1

Elan: HA!

Panel 6, Page 1

Roy: Fine, as long as no one comes crying to me when—
Elan walks off stage left.

Panel 7, Page 1

Elan leans back into the panel.
Elan: HA!

Panel 8, Page 1

Elan climbs a ladder to the parapet of the Azure City outer wall.
Haley: Good luck, honey!
Elan: Thanks!
Elan: I have a really good feeling.

Panel 9, Page 1

Elan walks along the crenelated parapet speaking to the troops.
Elan: Friends, Azurites, countrymen, lend me your ears. Not literally, because ewww. I mean, that would be disgusting.
Elan: And messy. And since you'd just be lending them, we'd have to figure out how to reattach them all, and that'd be a lot of work.

Panel 10, Page 1

Elan: Today, we stand here on the wall, preparing to defend this city from the forces of evil. And probably chaos, too.

Panel 11, Page 1

Elan: We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. And sisters. Definitely also sisters, they are part of the band too. I think they play the drums.

Panel 12, Page 1

More soldiers begin to gather around Elan as his speech becomes more rousing.
Elan: A day may come when the courage of men (and women) fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.
Elan: And if the battle lasts through tomorrow, it's not that day either.
Elan: It may or may not be the day after that, I'm not sure. Still to early to tell.

Panel 1, Page 2

Elan: But in case it's not that day, or it is that day, but the battle is already over so it doesn't matter, I want you to remember this:

Panel 2, Page 2

Elan: No one ever won a war by dying for their country. They won by making the other guy die for his country. Which still applies even though hobgoblins don't live in countries.
Elan: They live in caves, I think. So make them die for their caves. Which, admittedly, sounds a lot less heroic than dying for your country.

Panel 3, Page 2

Elan mounts the crenelations to speak over the growing crowd of soldiers.
Elan: But today will be the day when Azure City declared in one voice, "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!"
Elan: And the fact that it rhymes does not make it any less true!

Panel 4, Page 2

Elan: We'll stand here together and tell our enemies that they may take our lives...
Elan: But they will never take our freedom!

Panel 5, Page 2

The frame zooms back to show hundreds of cheering Azure City soldiers.
Soldiers (variously): Wooooo! Yeah! Let's go!! Huzzah! Freedom! HUZZAH!! Azure City! For Shojo! Kickass! Yaaay! Go Team! Azure City! Wooooo! Let's Do this! We're #1! YES!! Yeah! Hooray! Wooooo! Go Elan! Wooooo! Hooray! Huzzah!

Panel 6, Page 2

Elan: Unless...
Elan: Unless they kill us, then animate our dead corpses as zombies to fight for them.
Elan: Then I suppose they've taken our lives, AND our freedom.

Panel 7, Page 2


Panel 8, Page 2

Close up of several soldiers variously upset, angry, and frightened. One female soldier is crying.

Panel 9, Page 2

Elan (singing): Fight, fight, fight, fight the—
Soldier: You suck!

D&D Context Edit

  • As a bard, Elan is capable of increasing the combat rolls for one or more of the soldiers using one of the bardic Inspiration abilities (Inspire Competence, Inspire Greatness, Inspire Heroics) He may or may not be high enough level to use Inspire Heroics (level 15). His final song is typical of the songs he invents for this purpose.
  • In the D&D alignment system, Xykon, as a lich, is Evil. He also happens to be Chaotic.

Trivia Edit

External Links Edit

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