The Boot
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 280
Date published 10 February 2006
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Mr. Rodriguez breaks out the Comedically Large Boot.

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Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Durkon:' then tha goblins led us through tha hills to tha dungeon.

Panel 2

Celia: What was your purpose in that dungeon?
Durkon: Well, we were thar ta beat Xykon, a right nasty lich.

Panel 3

Celia: And when you say, "beat", what do you mean by that?
Durkon: Well, uh, to destroy 'im. An' ta wreck whatever plans he be plannin'.

Panel 4

Mr. Jones: Ah, I see where she's going. A classic Unlikely Heroes defense.
Mr. Jones: We might have some success citing precedent.

Panel 5

Mr. Jones: Get me the case files for Sauron v. Baggins, Takhisis v. Everman, and... Riddle v. Board of Education.
Mr. Rodriguez: How about Witch v. Gale?
Mr. Jones: Hmmmm. Yeah, OK, but East, not West.

Panel 6

Mr. Rodriguez: Should we use the giant boot?
Mr. Jones: I'm not sure that—
Mr. Jones: Wait, did you just say "giant boot"?

Panel 7

Mr. Rodriguez: Sure! The Comedically Large Boot! It never fails at trial.
Mr. Jones: Considering that your oversized footwear has no connection to any of the facts of this case, I think it's due.

Panel 8

Mr. Rodriguez: Aw, c'mon, it's so distracting, who could possibly form a defense against it?
Mr. Rodriguez: "Look at me, I'm a big giant boot! Wooooo!"

Panel 9

Mr. Rodriguez: Plus, you can use it in your closing argument.
Mr. Rodriguez: "If the boot doesn't fit, you must acquit."

Panel 10

Mr. Jones: Putting aside for the moment that that particular joke has been done to death, we're the prosecution, Phil. We don't WANT an acquittal.
Mr. Rodriguez: Oh.
Mr. Jones: Now get out of that thing and help me get ready for cross-examination.

Panel 11

Elan: You could change it to, "If by the boot you've been kicked, you must convict."
Mr. Rodriguez: Sweet! Thanks!

Panel 12

Roy: Elan! What have I told you about assisting the enemy with their rhyming scheme?
Elan: Sigh. "If you help with their verse, you'll just make things worse."
Roy: Exactly.

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