The Love of Money
Order of the Stick comic
Comic no. 765
Date published 18 December 2010
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Haley plans to rescue her father.

Cast Edit

Transcript Edit

Panel 1

Elan: Haley! Wait! My dad is the other way!
Haley: We're not going to see your father.
Elan: We're not?

Panel 2

Haley: Your father is an unrepentant murderer, and I promise I will make him pay for what he did to those poor men in the mountains.
Haley: Unfortunately, he's a long-term problem, and we only have time for short-term solutions.

Panel 3

Haley: Even if we fought and killed him today, Malack would just raise him from the dead the moment we left.
Haley: If we beat both of them, then their mystery allies would come around and find a way to bring them back.
Haley: Knocking him down without a way of keeping him down just leaves us with yet another villain chasing our collective asses.

Panel 4

Elan: OK, I guess... but... then where are we going?
Haley: To go enact one of those short-term solutions I just mentioned.
Haley: We're going to get my father.

Panel 5

Elan: Really?? That's awesome!
Elan: But wait... didn't Roy say no jailbreaks?
Haley: Yeah, well, if I was Tarquin, I'd probably invent some excuse about how Roy only specified no jailbreaks for him—but screw that, I'm just flat-out ignoring Roy right now.

Panel 6

Elan: Oh, OK. And hey, at least this way, you won't have to give over 200,000 gp to get your dad!
Haley: Actually... I was never planning on paying. I was gonna use the old "three-fingered discount", if you know what I mean.

Panel 7

Elan: Then... why go through the trouble of getting all that money?
Haley: Hey, just because I wasn't considering letting them keep it doesn't mean it wasn't part of my plan.

Panel 8

Haley: I figured we'd have a classic hostage exchange—I give them the cash, and they give me my father.
Haley: Then later, Dad and I sneak in and steal all the money back. Plus a little extra to cover our emotional distress, of course.
Haley: And lost wages, naturally. I mean, Looter's Comp doesn't cover that sort of thing.

Panel 9

A sign reads, "Directly to JAIL".
Elan: Well, at least this way, it's less dangerous and we'll still have all that money.
Haley: ...
Elan: I mean "you"! You will have all that money. Not "we".

Panel 10

Haley: No, Elan, it's fine. It can be ours. I wouldn't want to let a big pile of money get between our love.
Elan: Really? 'Cause earlier you said you wanted to try pouring it all on the floor and then getting—
Haley: That would be beneath our love, honey. Not between it.

Panel 11

Haley: Though if we get to keep all the gold, then I guess that fantasy is still on the table.
Elan: On the table, too? Can't we just stick with beds?

Trivia Edit

  • The title is a reference to the quote "The love of money is the root of all evil" from the First Epistle to Timothy in the Bible.
  • Miron Shewdanker sent Haley a ransom note for her father demanding 200,000 gp for his release in #131.
  • "Five-fingered discount" is slang for shoplifting; Haley changes it to "three" because she is drawn with only three fingers.
  • "Looter's Comp" is a parody of worker's compensation insurance. Presumably it is provided by the Greysky City Thieves' Guild.
  • The sign in panel 9 is a reference to the card in the board game Monopoly that says "Go directly to Jail."

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