Haley and Elan finally face a moment of truth.
Cast[edit | edit source]
- Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ (also as Haley's Self-Loathing ◀ ▶)
- Elan ◀ ▶
- The Linear Guild
Transcript[edit | edit source]
- Panel 1, Page 1
Sabine: Nale, you worthless mortal scum!
Nale: Geez, you know, how come these plans can never unravel only a little bit at a time?
Haley: MFGL?? P opvvlu Mfgl? Sry!!
Nale: Just for a change of pace?
Thog: thog and nale reunion make thog so happy!
Elan: It's over, Nale!
- Panel 2, Page 1
Nale: OK, OK, now everyone just hold on. If Elan and I are going to have our final climactic confrontation now, we've got to clear the room a little.
- Panel 3, Page 1
Nale: Hey Thog, you know, Sabine really missed you while you were gone.
Sabine (off-panel): Nale, I'm gonna rip out your—
Nale: Aww, she just needs a hug!
- Panel 4, Page 1
Thog: thog miss sabine, too!
Sabine: What the—? Get away!
- Panel 5, Page 1
Thog (off-panel): bull rush tackle hug!
A "CRASH!" comes from off-panel.
Sabine (off-panel): Oooof!
Nale: There, that ought to keep them out of our hair while we finish this once and for all.
- Panel 6, Page 1
Elan stabs Nale in the chest.
Elan: Looks like you brought a dagger to a swordfight, Nale.
Elan: Which I'm sure Sabine has said to you in the bedroom more than once. Elan stabs Nale
- Panel 7, Page 1
Nale: We're identical twins, you moron. You just insulted yourself.
Elan: Identical? Really? 'Cause you seem to have a few more holes in you right now.
Elan stabs Nale in the arm, while Nale misses Elan.
- Panel 8, Page 1
Nale: When the hell did you become reasonably competent in a fight?
Elan: When I needed to save a poor girl who can't speak right from a bastard like you!
Elan parries Nale.
- Panel 9, Page 1
Nale: Geez, again! We're TWINS, you idiot, we have the same parents! If I'm a bastard, then that means that you're one—
- Panel 10, Page 1
Nale: Wait... "can't speak right"?
Elan: You know, I learned a lot of useful skills in prison, Nale. Like how to cook...
Nale: So that wasn't an obscure language she was speaking...
- Panel 11, Page 1
Elan: You might be familiar with our special family recipe for shish kebabs!
Elan perforates Nale in the chest and disarms him, "shtulk!"
- Panel 1, Page 2
Elan: Served with a tall glass of punch!
Elan punches Nale, "pow!"
'Nale's looses concentration on his spell, "fizzle!"
- Panel 2, Page 2
Elan: And extra peppers to kick it up a notch!
Elan kicks Nale, "whumf!"
Haley: Keeeeee! Opno ypv fvv, Euugd Lcclnwpql Lgfm!
- Panel 3, Page 2
Elan: As I said, it's over, Nale. You're beaten. Give up.
Nale: Oh, I still have one more deception up my sleeve...
- Panel 4, Page 2
Nale: Now, Haley! Sneak attack from behind!
- Panel 5, Page 2
Nale: Oh my, you really haven't realized it yet. I would have thought bursting in on the two of us "in flagrante delicto," as it were, would have made it clear.
Elan: Made what clear??
- Panel 6, Page 2
Nale: Don't you see, Elan? Your precious Haley is evil, just like me. She's been working for me all along.
Nale: She's been my spy, infiltrating the Order of the Stick since before you and I even met face-to-face.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Nale: I learned of you from our father, and Haley and I orchestrated events to destroy you on every possible level.
Elan: That's silly. You can't really expect me to believe something so—
- Panel 8, Page 2
Nale: "Needlessly complicated?"
Elan: Oh. Right.
- Panel 9, Page 2
Haley: Des'ql rew we il obuupmr al. Lgfm, des'xl mew isdpmr wypv, fxl des???
Nale: No, darling, no point in hiding our relationship now.
Elan: You can understand her?
Nale: Of course! That's Infernal she's been speaking—the language of the devils.
- Panel 10, Page 2
Nale: Naturally, we've been lovers for years. That kill was merely our evil celebration of your demise.
Elan: I...I don't believe you. You're lying!
Haley: Ufam vwxfpryw, yl'v gdpmr!
Nale: Come now, the signs are obvious.
- Panel 11, Page 2
Nale: She can't control her wicked lust for wealth, can she?
Nale: And that dress! Is that really the dress of someone who's NOT an evil temptress?
Haley: Yl iesryw al wypv uxlvv! Neal em, kesgu FMD keafm NYEEVL we klfx wypv wypmr?
- Panel 12, Page 2
Nale: She let you rot in prison. Shouldn't she have known? Wasn't she the smart one in the party?
Haley: Me! P'a mew! P'a vwsjpu! P'a ve vwsjpu!!
- Panel 1, Page 3
Nale: Face it, Brother. This tramp has been playing you for months, you gullible sap.
Elan: Haley... This... isn't true, right? He's just making it up?
Haley: Ec nesxvl mew! Wypv pv fivsxu! P'a Nyfewpn Reeu!
- Panel 2, Page 3
Nale: Well, I guess you have your answer there on her face.
Nale: She does not look happy that I'm blowing her cover.
Haley: Kyd fxl des gpvwlmpnr we ypa?? Yl'v wyl QPGGFPM!
Haley's Self-Loathing hovers behind her.
Self-Loathing: He's listening to Nale because you don't have the ability to raise any o[b]jection, you pathetic sack of crap.
Self-Loathing: Should have listened to me when you had the chance.
- Panel 3, Page 3
Nale: And you, dressed up like a little hero to save the day. Too bad your princess here has been laughing at you behind your back all along.
Nale: Oh yes, Laughing at you, not with you.
Self-Loathing: Look at him, using that Bluff skill to turn Elan against us.
Haley: Me, P yfqlm'w!
Self-Loathing: Hey, don't you have ranks in Bluff? It's been so long, I barely remember.
- Panel 4, Page 3
Nale: The switch was Haley's idea, you know. She told me she couldn't stand to be near your incessant idiocy for one more day.
Haley: Des yfql we ilgplql al! Yl'v gdpmr!!
Self-Loathing: Well, looks like this is it. The end. The curtain falls on your schoolgirl delusions of romance. Any hope of him loving you is shriveling up as we speak.
Self-Loathing: Well, as I speak, at least.
- Panel 5, Page 3
Nale: Doesn't that just make you so... angry?
Elan: Actually, yeah! It does! I went through all this to save you, and you were a bad guy the whole time!
Haley: Kyfw?? Me! ME!!
Self-Loathing: Yup, listen to that. He's buying it. He thinks you're evil now.
- Panel 6, Page 2
No balloons have arrows anymore, probably to indicate Haley is mentally collapsing.
(Self-Loathing's dialogue is still translucent and Haley's dialog cryptic, so its not hard to attribute)
Nale: Very, very angry...
Elan: You're worse than Nale is!
Self-Loathing: He'll never forgive you.
Haley: P nfm'w...
Self-Loathing: He'll learn to hate you.
- Panel 7, Page 2
Still the balloons have no arrows.
Elan: I never want to see you—
Haley: P nfm'w gevl ypa...
Self-Loathing: And then he'll leave.
Haley: P—P wyesryw...
Self-Loathing: Just like everyone else—
Nale: Angry enough to kill, even...
Haley: P wyesryw—
- Panel 8, Page 2
Haley: I THOUGHT HE WAS YOU!
Elan snaps out of the suggestion, "snap!"
Haley: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I THOUGHT I WAS KISSING YOU!!
- Panel 9, Page 2
Elan stares at Haley.
Haley holds her hands before her mouth, shocked by her own words.
D&D Context[edit | edit source]
- Bull Rush is a special attack where the attacker attempts to knock an opponent back.
- The Bluff skill allows the character to deceive another.
- In Panel 1, Page 2, Nale was attempting to cast Charm Person, which would make the target act like the caster is his friend. Nale used this on Belkar in #383.
- Suggestion, a 3rd level wizard spell that allows the caster to suggest a course of action that the target will follow.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- The translations of Haley's lines are:
- Panel 1, Page 1: NALE?? I kissed Nale? Ugh!!
- Panel 2, Page 2: Woooooo! Kick his ass, Oddly Effective Elan!
- Panel 4, Page 2: Huh?
- Panel 9, Page 2: You've got to be kidding me. Elan, you're not buying this, are you???
- There is typo in Haley's cryptogram in Panel 9, Page 2: "kidding" should be "opuupmrp," not "obuupmr."
- Panel 10, Page 2: Damn straight, he's lying!
- Panel 11, Page 2: He bought me this dress! Come on, would any woman choose to wear this thing?
- Panel 11, Page 2: No! I'm not! I'm stupid! I'm so stupid!
- Panel 1, Page 3: Of course not! This is absurd! I'm Chaotic Good!! Ish!
- Panel 2, Page 3: Why are you listening to him?? He's the VILLAIN!
- There is typo in Haley's cryptogram in Panel 2, Page 3: "listening" should be "gpvwlnpnr," not "gpvwlmpnr."
- Panel 3, Page 3: No, I haven't!
- Panel 4, Page 3: You have to believe me! He's lying!!
- Panel 5, Page 3: What?? No! NO!!
- Panel 6, Page 3: I can't...
- Panel 6, Page 3: ...think...
- Panel 7, Page 3: I can't lose you
- Panel 7, Page 3: I-I thought...
- Panel 7, Page 3: I thought—
- Haley has only spoken in cryptograms since #245, Easy Come, Easy Go, a span of 148 strips, and over 13 months of real-world time. The period spans the end of the last book, No Cure for the Paladin Blues, continuing well into War and XPs
- In flagrante dilicto is a Latin legal term which means, literally, "in blazing offence". It means to be caught in the act, and colloquially is used to mean being caught in the sexual act.